


I'll Leave the Door Open All Night

by thegirlwiththemouseyhair



Category: Downton Abbey
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Cynical, M/M, One-Sided Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-26
Updated: 2014-09-26
Packaged: 2018-02-18 21:54:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 650
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2363471
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thegirlwiththemouseyhair/pseuds/thegirlwiththemouseyhair
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Modern AU Thomas reflects on his apparently hopeless love for Jimmy...</p>
            </blockquote>





	I'll Leave the Door Open All Night

**Author's Note:**

> I said I was going to write a series of three short modern AU pieces, one dealing with each of Thomas's canonical love interests, and each piece drawing on and inspired by one of the pop punky/emo songs I grew up on as a teen (hey, there aren't that many organized challenges in this fandom; I had to challenge myself). This one is the first, and draws on Brand New's song Magazines, from which I took the title as well ("I've got the feeling you and I will never really get it on/but I'll leave the door open all night/'case you decide you want to stop on by").

It’s destroying Thomas, working and living so close to Jimmy and nothing else ( _at least not yet_ ), when he knows they’d be perfect together. They _are_ perfect together. They can spend hours in front of the telly, drinking and mocking stupid programs, or rolling their eyes about their colleagues at the office. When Jimmy has a problem – when he’s had a bad day at work, or thinks he can’t manage a file and that Mr. Carson will blame him for bungling it – he always turns to Thomas. Those moments make Thomas tingle with pride. He’s saved Jimmy several times, and turned Jimmy’s worries about his job into a good joke between them, or at least a joke at Alfred, the second-newest hire’s expense. Thomas loves the way Jimmy will duck his head at him in shy, adorable gratitude. Thomas hasn’t had a friend like this in years.

And Jimmy’s _lovely_ inside and out _._ Thomas must have gaped at him his first morning on the job; it’s sappy and ridiculous, but Thomas has almost started to believe in love at first sight again.

Jimmy says he’s straight, but Thomas can’t have misread all his signals, can he? He thinks, _Poor bloke – I could really help him learn to be himself, if I could only figure out what to_ say _._

Jimmy was furious the one time Thomas made a pass at him. Thomas blames himself. He should have known better, though they’d both had a little too much to drink that night. Thomas had apologized, and had been as sincere as he ever had, about anything. He can’t lose Jimmy’s friendship.

If he had any other friends, they’d probably say he was mental for pining over Jimmy the way he does. The lyrics of every stupid love song on the radio catch at him, and sound, to his ears, as if they’d been written about Jimmy and himself. ( _You’re fucking crazy; you know that.)_ It’s gotten so bad he’d rather stay home flipping through his phone, looking at the few pictures he has of Jimmy, than go out and meet anyone else. ( _It’s just a matter of time. He wasn’t disgusted or homophobic or anything that night, just angry ‘cause I tried to kiss him without his consent. It was wrong; I should never have done it. He must be so scared to come out…)_

Thomas has spent an awful lot of time shut up in his room wanking, like a teenage boy. Even that’s awkward: he knows Jimmy’s probably sleeping in his own flat just downstairs and down the hall. Thomas helped him find the place when he first started working here. It’s perfect for late night talks between the two of them, and it would be perfect for so much more, when or if the time would come.

But awkward as the lonely wanks are, Thomas dreams of the things he could do with Jimmy. There’d be _love_ between them, too – it’s been a long time since Thomas was so in love – so he doesn’t know why his chest tightens with guilt tonight, with feeling utterly stupid and a little obscene, once he’s finished himself off. He’d been thinking of Jimmy the whole time, as usual.

His hands shake a little as he reaches for the Kleenex box beside the bed. He wonders if maybe, just maybe, Jimmy’s been honest with him all along, and he’ll never really have a chance with the other man.

Thomas’s stomach sinks. He thinks, on some level, that he knows that’s all true, and knows that he’s been deluding himself, like an idiot. But he pushes the thought away. It’s been over a year since he met Jimmy. He can afford to wait a little longer, and chucks the Kleenex into the waste basket, half-tempted to leave the door unlocked on the mad, off chance that Jimmy will come up to see him tonight.


End file.
